Here we go again/ Here we DON'T go again!

The title refers to an experience I had with my father 20 years ago, upon being admitted into the hospital for Congestive Heart Failure.  My snappy comeback to his "Here we go again" statement was to make sure we did not replay the trauma from when I was sick in my teens.

---

March 21,2016


I don’t find it funny to be in pain or to struggle with not knowing when I will have too much fluid or too little salt.  The symptoms tell a story that my own narrative can’t begin to paint.  I’m bright green today with twinges of black spots in the places that sit my heart and lungs.  When my lungs expand like a balloon, they gray out in that transparent way that stretching does.  


My heart holds all the tension.  It carries my dreams and hopes and sends me tucking my head under the covers.  The blood flow gets stuck in places that ache and carries me to a place of nausea and insomnia.  


Today was one of those….replaying the words of… I had a feel good weekend and today, I’m not.  Here we go again!  Salvation comes at 7pm with the blood report and an overall sense of relief.  A plan is in place -I can relax now…or can I.  It’s my choice to make the most of the tomorrow.  I am  grateful that I have the choice.  That’s the only thing in my control- my attitude and spirit….